PRESS RELEASE: The rise of “Divorce Aps” – Could Your Relationship Survive a Couples Ap?

Would Your Relationship Survive a Couples App?

We rely on apps to wake us up, tell us where to drive, communicate with loved ones and even hook up with total strangers – so why not let them guide us through our love lives?

Relationship apps are changing the way we communicate, engage in conflict and resolve issues with our partners. They deliver decades of scientific research and clinical experience into our devices so we can experience more fun, satisfaction and connection in our relationships.

But what happens when your relationship app starts feeling more like a divorce app? And if it’s uncovering issues and poking holes in your partnership, then is the technology truly to blame?

If your relationship app is starting to feel like it’s hindering more than helping, you won’t want to miss these top tips from the creators behind My Love Your Love, Helen Robertson and Shahn Baker Sorekli. As experienced clinical psychologists and couples therapists they’ve given us their six crucial strategies to turn your relationship app experience around and help your partnership thrive.

Don’t blame the relationship app!!

It may feel like your relationship app is creating issues in your partnership, but it’s more likely it’s simply uncovering them. By opening the lines of honest communication with your partner, you may discover issues that have gone unnoticed or unspoken for a long time. It may feel overwhelming at first, but this is actually a positive thing – as long as you are prepared to do the work.

For those who don’t want to put in the work or have already decided they want to leave, then the relationship is already doomed. Both partners need to be committed to making strides forward in the relationship to make the app (or any therapy) work.

Helen and Shahn are often asked about the chances of couples therapy success. Helen says, “I always say the chances of it working are 100% if there are truly two partners who want to make it work and are open to self-change and growth. I can say with confidence the same is true for the My Love Your Love app as it goes deep into changing patterns and developing self-insight and growth.”

Check your commitment!!

When you go to couples therapy or download a relationship app the process will quickly highlight how committed each partner is to making the relationship work. Commitment is active behaviour to enhance the relationship – this might be in the form of doing your homework, practising strategies or considering the positive aspects of your partner and what they bring to the relationship.

It is easier to binge watch TV than it is to make time for connecting activities with your partner. But if we choose the TV, then we have to recognise that we’re more committed to the telly than we are to making time for our relationship. And the quality of your relationship will reflect this.

Commitment to your partner is also about having their back. Keeping each other in mind even when you aren’t together is important. It is definitely OK to have a close friend or family member to vent to. But generally speaking, being committed means you’re not putting your partner down to others. You’re protective of them and your relationship.

If you’re not getting the results you want from your relationship app, make sure you check in with your commitment levels. We get it. Stepping up and being 100% committed to a couples therapy may sound like a big step, but a good relationship app will make this feel easy.

Get comfortable with the uncomfortable!!

Avoidance is the number one human strategy when things get hard. By turning away from the difficulty, blocking it out and pretending it isn’t there, it can (temporarily) take the distress away giving us relief. But the problem doesn’t go away just because we ignore it. Now the next time that problem turns up in our relationship, it’s going to be even bigger than it was before.

Some partners think that avoidance is ‘moving on’ from the problem. And when the other partner wants to talk about the issue, they become frustrated. This leads to stagnation in the relationship and to both partners not being validated. The avoidant partner may worry about being overwhelmed or feels anxious about conflict, so they just want it to go away.

As couples work on their relationship, it’s likely that uncomfortable topics will come up and you’ll be required to sit with the difficulties. This is so important for the success of your experience. The benefit of working with a relationship app is that you’ll be supported through the process.

Use the relationship app’s conflict resolution strategies!!

If your relationship app is leading to more conflict with your partner, it’s the perfect opportunity to put the app’s conflict resolution strategies into practice. Don’t fall into old habits when arguments arise from the counselling process. Instead, draw on the knowledge of the app to find better ways of communication and resolving tension.

In most cases, there’s an intervention for every problem you can think of. So when you feel stuck, you can reach for these tools and reach out to your partner.

Don’t hide your feelings!!

Your experience with a relationship app might bring up topics and feelings you don’t want to deal with. Often it’s hard to talk it out because we don’t understand the conflict cycle and the true underlying dynamics which are fuelling the disconnect. So talking an issue out might not always work for couples. That is, until you have a relationship app to help guide the process.

Choosing to cover up how you’re feeling can lead to detrimental outcomes, like disconnection in the relationship, and even illness. One of the top reasons why couples break up is due to detachment and disconnection – they stop communicating, sharing and connecting with each other. These couples end up feeling removed from each other, and possibly even resenting each other. The longer you stay disconnected and in conflict, the more damage you are doing to your relationship.

We need to learn how to understand and express our feelings in a healthy way to stay well and happy in life. Thankfully, that’s exactly what a relationship app can help you do. No matter how hard it may feel to talk about a topic, respectful and honest communication will usually make all parties feel so much better. Nothing satisfying comes from zero effort, so stick it out and do the work. When we truly apply ourselves and get positive results, it feels so much more meaningful and satisfying.

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